my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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