Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
