just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
