Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
