Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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