he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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