I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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