So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
