Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
