how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
