thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
