Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
