perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
