I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
