im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How's work?
Spinning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
