Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
