Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
