doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My feet surprised me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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