Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
