"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
