WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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