he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
