I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
