my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
