I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
