He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am one with the molecules
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
is it fun? or sober?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
