The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
