You were right. It hurts to walk today.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
