Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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