if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The best revenge is premature balding
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
