sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
