Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thank you for not boning my boss.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
