You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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