I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
