i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
