i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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