even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
