is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
