i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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