So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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