If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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