I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
