I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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