We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
a search helicopter?!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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