it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
