Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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