apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
