also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm really busy with my period
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