We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
