Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
