So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All the doctor said was why
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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